Once again my girl Jules from A Little Bite of Life (and high school) has kindly let me know that time was ticking and I was not posting. She is blog perfection and the slayer of the very mean Wall Street Journal anti blogger lady. I find it difficult to fight Jules' reminders. I really enjoy writing and feel great after putting together a good (in my opinion) post. So, without further delay, I will now embark upon my next topic. One that is so common that I don't know there is much more to be said.
Dieting. You can call it a lifestyle change or some other bullshit like that, but the reality for me is that I am dieting. When you realize that your old storage bin of fat pants are really your not fat enough pants, it is time. When you start going to pharmacy clinics instead of your own doctor because they won't weigh you, it is time. When your supersized batch of guacamole that you brought to the Cinco de Mayo party became a serving for one, it is because you make fan-friggin-tastic guac and don't want to share...and it is time.
It started today. And do you like to know what else started today? Cramps. Those of you who are naturally skinny probably don't realize what a bad combo this is. Because my formula is at risk. I am like Einstein when it comes to this formula...
(Ibuprofen x 4) + (Wine x 2) = What cramps?
Not to be confused with (Ibuprofen x 4) + (Wine x 6) = Hey babeeeee, do you mind that I bought 5 pairs of shoes yesterday? You're so hot. Kids? I don't know where they are, do you? Wait whose kids? I think we should zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Anyway, I bet just a few of you out there know EXACTLY why my formula is at risk. 1 measly little cup of white wine = SIX weight watchers points!!! It is diet highway robbery. A cup of Grapes costs 0 points, so how can wine be 6? IT IS IN THE FRUIT AND VEGETABLE GROUP!!!
So, today I munched a lot of lettuce, had about 8 or 9 oz of some lean protein, and squeezed a lime and called it dressing. And I enjoyed 1 cup of medicinal wine with Advil sprinkles for dessert. There were a couple of times during the day when I felt full, but now is not one of them. As I write I have reverted back to my childhood habit of chewing on my cheek to give my mouth something to do and maybe get another bite of protein. I am craving chocolate and am trying to figure out how I am going to make it to bed without going downstairs to attack the Cinco de Mayo leftovers.
As I climb down from the kids' bunk bed after reading them to sleep, I am reminded that this is not the first time my fat ass will have to turn sideways to exit or that my knee will snap, crackle, pop on the way down the ladder. Maybe that memory will be enough to get me through tomorrow. That or the gargantuan pants I will climb into.
In the meantime, I post a challenge to Ms. Jules of recipe creating fame...create a 10 point dinner that leaves me full for > 1/2 hour. Or a 3 point dessert that silences the screaming carbohydrate voices.
If it's any consolation, I hear what you are saying about the whole fat pants department...I've been wearing my pregnancy pants for 15 years. Anyway...a 10 point dinner? Do you eat salmon? By the way, I love when you write...you need to keep doing it. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks my dear, and yes, I eat Salmon. And I wish I had never discovered the lemon pepper butter that tastes so good broiled on top of it! I figured the diet diary thing might help me write more, but I also have an idea I'm throwing around that I might throw out there when I am stuck. Thanks for pushing me.
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