Hi! I don't know what the F%#$ I'm doing!!

So...Hi.  I'm Liz, Ms. Lizard if you're nasty.  After having approximately 12 people at my corporate gig (aka full time job) tell me that I am in the wrong business, I Googled how to design a blog today.  Amazing thing about that is that I went through the like 5 steps and waited to see when I would get my official, "OK, if you are sure you want to do this, click here" notification.  But guess what?  It didn't come!  What it said was congrats, we have set up a blog for you.  YOU DID?  But what if I wasn't ready??  What if I don't like the name Salt Lizard for my pen name?  What if people think the name Lizard Unfiltered is boring?  I mean I only put in 4 minutes of thought because you were supposed to warn me I was committing!!!  I'm not afraid of commitment.  I am, however, afraid of looking like a dumbass in front of people.  So, this initial post is my big disclaimer.  I walked up to the cliff, I looked over the edge, I said "hey, I wonder what's down there" and the friggin' face of the cliff fell off and plunged me into the depths of blogggggghood.  That's where I am now.  Glad we're on the same page.  So, forgive me if I'm boring - I will try not to be.  Forgive me for not coming up with a better name.  Forgive me for not having a solid plan for what I'm going to blab on about (I feel like I am on the Next Food Network Star without a solid Point of View and the judges are pissed).  Let's get to know each other and maybe it will give you an idea of what to expect from me.


I'm a married Mom of 2.  I am not a Supermom.  I work full time in corporate America.  I would not survive as a stay at home Mom.  They are the coolest kids in the entire world to me, but  they would EAT ME ALIVE.  My boys are 4 and 7 and they make me laugh (and scream) every day.  And they will provide endless material for my posts.  My Facebook friends know this to be true.


Why Salt Lizard?  Because in college Liz became Lizard.  And because I have an "affinity" for salt.  To describe the affinity, my family is convinced that when my body is exhumed 100 years after death, I will still be perfectly preserved.  I have, on 2 occasions, given up salt as a Lenten challenge to myself.  I basically ended up putting soy sauce on everything.  


And why Lizard Unfiltered?  I have what I like to refer to as "Estelle Getty Syndrome."  It relates to the character that she played on Golden Girls - Sophia.  If she thought it, she said it.  Unfortunately, this does not always lead to the most politically accepted comments in the work place.  I have learned, on rare occasions, to actually keep my mouth closed.  As people looked at me in amazement, I credited my silence to buying myself a filter from Home Depot.  For the purposes of this blog, I imagine the filter will be removed.  It needs cleaning anyway.


What are my likes and dislikes?  I like to laugh, usually at inappropriate times and statements.  I am sarcastic.  I like fashion and shoes and makeup and shopping.  I like wearing 6 inch heels and sequins to work and I like flipping off the people who ask me if I'm going to the disco later.  I like fast sexy sports cars but I drive an f'n minivan and I am embarrassed to tell you how much I love that stinkin' thing.   I love hanging out with my kids and my friends.  I like massages and have not ever found one which lasts long enough.  I like cooking, but not baking.  I like making bologna art for my kids and I am certain at least one blog will be about that.  My musical taste ended in the very early 90s and I still love 80s hair bands.  I love a lot.  What don't I love?  I cannot stand political rants and controversy.  I cannot stand when people hate someone because of the color of their skin or the religion that they practice or the person that they love.  I cannot stomach stupid and will take every opportunity to mock it.  


So that's me.  And for a while, I imagine I'll be writing this for my own benefit.  But hopefully, eventually, a few of you will come along with me for the ride.  Just roll down your windows and blast Guns n Roses.  You'll almost forget we're riding in a minivan.