Whaddya Mean You Don't Want Mommy to Make Your Cake?!

I was reading my friend Jules' blog (A Little Bite of Life) and she was talking about the fact that her gourmet cooking has really spoiled her family and now she can't make normal food without complaints. Well I don't have that problem as I am often greeted with "I don't like that" when my 4 yo and sometimes 7 yo catch first sight of their dinner. Ironically half the time it is something they actually do like. Anyway, my point is that in general I make decent but not gourmet food.

That said, I spoil the heck out of them when it comes to their birthday cakes. This is a handed down tradition from my Mom who always custom made my birthday cakes. We aren't talking about your average cake either. She made a Barbie cake that stood up, a pair of Levi's cake, a guitar cake and even a Corvette cake!  For her it wasn't just for birthdays either.  She spent hours one Easter on a lamb cake.  As fate would have it, the lambs head was not interested in staying on the rest of the cake.  She tried endlessly to use icing and toothpicks to keep it on.  I will never forget that day when she said "Elizabeth?  Go out to the garage with your father!"  I questioned it and was told to Go.  I looked in the window on my way outside and watched my mother smash the living shit out of that cake.  That sure silenced the lamb!  I do not believe she ever made a lamb or Easter cake again.

I may have taken those for granted back then, but as a Mom, I can now appreciate the love behind each and every perfectly made frosting flower.  And I decided to make it a tradition for my kids as well.  I am not as interested in doing it the "right way" with all the special techniques and the icing that works best.  I like my shortcuts when it comes to using frosting from the can even if it doesn't quite work as well for decorating.  But I've done okay.  Over the years I have made a real looking stand up fish bowl with fish and everything, two ginormous castles that took 5 boxes of mix, Super Mario World-my first experience with fondant, Spongebob, Megamind, Cookie Monster and the Super Hero Squad Helicarrier. My kids either loved them or lied very well.

This is not to say that these cakes all came about smoothly.  The first castle cake I did was for my nearly 8 year old when he was turning 3.  I was pregnant with his baby brother and it took me something like 5 hours of on my feet time to complete.  It was by far the best one I ever did though.  2 or 3 years later he asked for that same cake again.  By now his little bro was diagnosed with an allergy to eggs.  So the castle was made with applesauce and mashed bananas as a substitute for eggs.  And let me tell you, they do not have the holding together power that cakes with eggs have.  I had to travel 30 minutes with that cake on my lap just hoping it wouldn't collapse before we got to his party.  It was held together in spots by icing.  But I beamed when other Mom's hosting parties at the bowling alley came over to check out this monstrosity.  And then there was Super Mario.  I have to say, I kicked some butt on that cake and had figures out of fondant that really looked like Mario and Yoshi and the mushroom bad guys.  I was elated.  I put it in the cardboard box to protect it and went to bed.  The next day I heard my Husband yelling at the little one.  I was like "WHAT would make him yell so much?"  pause...pause..."OH MY GOD THE CAKE!!!!"  I ran downstairs only to see the 3 year old's claw mark down the front of the cake which ripped off Mario's legs and eye.  I ran back upstairs to cry by myself.  My oldest came up to me that morning as I was weeping and said "Mom, LOOK at me.  We love it even if its ruined because you made it!"  That pretty much cemented the value of making them cakes, and it made me cry different tears.  Good thing too because later that day we drove 5 hours to a campsite where we were meeting up with our family for the birthday.  In that 5 hours, the back 1/4 of the cake pretty much dropped off the end like an avalanche.

So this year I asked my 7 yo what he wanted. And he told me he wanted his picture on the cake like his cousin had. He made it VERY clear that I was not supposed to try to do this myself with icing. I could pretend I'm not devastated, but I am. I mean he doesn't get the fact that I can't make that.  I could let it be the death of my tradition, but I won't. This year the kid will get two cakes because I'm stubborn and belligerent and I take great satisfaction out of spending hours on end swearing at inanimate baked goods that are not respecting my culinary authority by looking like what is in my head.  One cake will serve the immediate family on his actual birthday and the one he wants will be served to a couple of friends that are coming over that weekend. At least its my artwork he is asking for.  He wants the picture from the invitation I made to be on the cake...the one where I superimposed his head onto some other kid in a labcoat's body.  Hey, its something.

This is the eggless Super Mario disaster with caved in back side, claw marks, and one candle placed very intentionally in Mario's missing eye socket.

Epilogue...please tell me that the 4 year old did not just see the castle cake on this blog post and tell me he wants it for his birthday...eh, what the heck.  3rd time's a charm.